Accepting help, building community

Fifth in a series of five posts

In Trauma Stewardship, Laura Van Dernoot Lipsky discusses trauma mastery as one motivation for engaging in caregiving professions. “We seek to turn a traumatic situation in which we once felt powerless into a new situation where we feel competent and in charge….This is a sophisticated coping mechanism, and largely it is done unconsciously. If we are conscious that we are seeking trauma mastery, and if we navigate with insight, mindfulness and honesty, this mechanism may contribute to our healing.” We cannot do this alone, preferring always to care rather than be cared for. We are in this work for our sakes, to learn to accept as well as to provide.

Consider the spirals and circles in your own experience as a giver of care. We spiral into impatience and despair when we feel cut off from support. We circle back to hope and purpose with the help of other people.

Look at the acknowledgements page of a book you rely on in your own work and life. Choose the work of an author you admire. You will almost always find a long list of names, and the comment that there are too many people who have helped them do what they need to do. Even to write and then to publish this short series of posts took the time and kindness of many people besides me, a book mentioned by a new client, the final push from a coach and friend, and the steady patience of my web support person.

In part one of this series I suggested that caregivers often start out unskilled at accepting help and care from other people. What brought us into these professions is not enough to support us in them. Good caregivers can become good care receivers, but we have to learn to include ourselves in our caregiving practice. Self compassion is a vital component of sustainable compassion. Here’s wishing us all growth and wisdom on our paths.

(5)Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others, Laura Van Dernoot Lipsky, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc 2009